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Can Someone Motivate Me?

Discussion in 'Offtopic' started by Skyzip, Apr 25, 2018.

  1. Skyzip

    Skyzip Well-Known Member

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    I'm not trying to start this thread to gain complements of any kind. I'm not insecure, I don't hate myself in anyway at all and I know there's always room for me to improve myself.

    I do, however, see existence as a whole as worthless. This is just a thought that I try to avoid as much as possible. It doesn't come up as much as I probably make out to be, but no matter what, at some point I'll come back to it and I won't be able to find any reason at all to argue against it.

    Yet, even though I see existence as worthless, I'm not Suicidal in anyway. Maybe one of the main reasons is because if I end my Life, then I know it would hurt the people around me. Additionally, I guess I'm expecting and waiting for a reason to prove to me that Life is worth living. I'm not going to end my Life. Never. So don't worry.


    As to why I think existence is worthless? I guess it mainly has to do with my social life, school and my OCD.

    I do suffer from OCD and it's not something I openly talk about. It's not the kind of minor shit where people are all like "oh yeah lemme just arrange these pens so it doesn't trigger my OCD. No. It's actual OCD. Maybe not as severe as a lot of people have it however, as I can control it to an extent. It's just hard to live with constant compulsions such as rituals as well as intrusive thoughts. Sometimes, I just wish I didn't have it at all, however minor or major it may actually be. I just want to live life in the shoes of someone who doesn't suffer from OCD, maybe then I'd be happy.

    In regards to my social life, well, I have many friends and family who I value and adore so much. However, there's not a single one who I can call my 'best friend' or one I can 100% trust. There is this one girl who I see as the big sister I never had, but even then she's an online friend and I don't know how long it would be before we stop communicating altogether since she's getting older. I've never really had a proper girlfriend either and it's something that I've longed to experience. I always fuck up any chance I get because I tend to treat a lot of people around me like shit unintentionally. I never learn from my mistakes and I don't understand why. I know it contradicts what I said at the beginning about hating myself, but I guess that's one thing that I dislike about me. I never really see any improvements in my social life. I do try my best to improve, but nothing I do seems to ever work out. I know how to gain friends, but keeping them and not pissing them off is something that I have a hard time doing and I guess I feel so empty when I rarely have anyone to turn to because I have massive trust issues. I also have a Father who's in his 60s and a Mother who's in her 50s and I'm only 17. I'm terrified of how close they are to England's Life Expectancy which is 80.

    Finally, and probably the most important factor, is school. Right now, I fucking hate it. Don't get me wrong, I love mostly all of my teachers and I appreciate all the time and effort that they put into helping me. However, I feel like my progress and accomplishments go unrecognised. To proceed into Uni, I only need 3 A-Levels. However, my dumbass school requires you to take 4 as a 'safety net', which is unnecessary and is the only school in my city that does this. As a result of this, I don't really try in my 4th subject. Mainly because I don't care and it's just information that I don't need at all, but partly because I also don't understand it. As a result, my head of sixth form basis my success on my attitude towards the subject. He always complains that I have a poor attitude to work and that my grades are shit, which completely contradicts how I actually feel. I mean, like, I guess he's right to an extent, but that really only applies to the 4th subject. I always put the effort into my work (evident through the fact that I made revision notes way before other people made them) and, in fact, the grades in the 3 subjects that I actually care about are high. As a result of the lack of acknowledgement that I get for the other 3 subjects, my motivation to study seems to have disappeared. Whenever I do try to study, I just end up thinking "Why do I bother?".


    I just wish that Life could be the way that I wanted it to be. I'm sure I'd be unbelievably happy if my entire day could be filled with playing PUBG/League with my Friends, watching/reading One Piece and eating only Pizza. But no, it can't be that way. Instead, I have to go to school and earn grades that are probably going to be unrecognised anyway, only to get some job that I probably don't even want just because I need to earn some money to survive and live in a house that I don't want to live in, but I'm only living in anyway because it's such a stigma to live with your parents for such a long time. I'd rather stay with them for as long as possible if I could.


    I sound way too arrogant and childish (especially with the last two paragraphs) and I'm really sorry about that. I don't want any of you to think less of me, but this is genuinely how I feel. I know everyone's supposed to move on from their childhood, grow up and start realising that Life isn't always going to spoon feed you through everything, but a lot of the times I just wish it was like that. I don't see any incentive to do any school work and I know it's important for me. However, it's hard to concentrate with such a lack of motivation, as well as constant negative thoughts racing through my mind all at once.

    Someone please motivate me. I really need it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 25, 2018
  2. ItzCqnadian

    ItzCqnadian Active Member Builder

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    Holy hell this was deep
     
  3. Paulgigadrain

    Paulgigadrain Active Member

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    Everyone has a purpose on this Earth, it takes some soul-searching. Ask yourself, "What makes me feel most alive?" "What genuinely makes me happy?" These are two questions that can start the path to purpose. I've literally sat in a corner in my room and contemplated what the point of life is. My conclusion is that happiness and virtue are the two things that one could strive for. i found that in my case, playing baseball makes me feel the most alive, and I focus on that and strive to be the best. I understand you completely from a friend/girlfriend standpoint. I am autistic so I also have a hard time when it comes to a social life. Even when you're a weird fucker like me, you will still end up finding friends for the rest of your life. Friendship is a big part in pursuing happiness. if you treat others as you would like to be treated, people will like being in your presence as there is a mutual respect and in time you will find out of those people your best friend. This person will want what's best for you and stand by your side, and you will want the best for them, and stand by their side. That is what true friendship boils down to. one thing I did to make friends was to really pull back on the amount of gaming I did and force myself to meet people who had similar interests to myself. As an autist, it was hard, but worth it.

    School will slowly become more enjoyable. As i began going to college and being allowed to take classes I want to take, things got better for me. I was allowed to pursue my major and take classes i genuinely liked, once you find that subject you love, school becomes something you look forward to. I fucking hated high school because of the predetermination, but things got better for me. Sometimes you just have to endure some pain for pleasure.

    Some may not like this part, but I found purpose in Jesus. Serving him in helping others has made me much more happy and satisfied with myself, as I used to utterly hate myself. It has also given me hope that my future is bright as long as I follow him, that i will find myself a wife, a job i love, and the ability to help others. I belong to his large family and its a good feeling.

    I'm open to answering any and all questions about my post, I would put more and have it better structured, but its finals week for me at uni right now, so my brain is fucking fried. Hope this helped a little. Feel free to pm me as well, I've been in your shoes before, and I'd like to help anyway i can.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2018
  4. CREEPER__1

    CREEPER__1 Well-Known Member

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    Kinda scary how close I can relate to some of these things, and it takes courage to be able to post something like this to the forums. Maybe my story will help you out a bit.

    I never really started thinking about any of these things util I entered high school. I didn't really start "hating" school until I got into high school, where I really matured and began to question who I was and what my purpose was. I never had many problems with making friends in school, getting good grades, or doing homework up until high school. Elementary and middle school hold some of the greatest memories for me now that I look back on it, all the friendships and new experiences I made were the best. I had almost all the free time in the world since there was no real pressure on what I needed to do to prepare for the future, or much homework from school. I was regarded as the "smart" kid and people would come to me for answers on any questions they had, and I was glad to help them. The thing was back then, when I was a child, transitioning into adulthood made me quite sad knowing all of the things I would have to leave behind so I could focus on school and getting into a prestigious college. This was where stuff started "to get real." I hated growing up since there would be little to no time for playing video games with friends, hanging out after school, and slouching on the couch and watching T.V. shows. Responsibility started to kick in, and I began to form an idea of who I wanted to be when I grow up.

    It was in high school where I began to change the most, I was still regarded as really smart to a bunch of my friends and others in my classes, but I rarely socialized anymore. Soon I began to develop a sort of social anxiety up to the point where I couldn't even get myself to raise my hand to ask a question in class because I was afraid of others thinking I was stupid. I have a massive fear of public speaking to where I sometimes shake and stutter because of how nervous I am. I let many opportunities go down the drain because of how incompetent I am at talking to other people I don't know, or even people I knew but just haven't talked to in a long time. I shut myself out from much of the outside world, even though I despise doing so, and I know all of the things I am missing out on. Not being sociable is one of the biggest regrets I have. There is no doubt that I like meeting new people and hanging out with them, I can just never work up the courage to meet or talk to anyone anymore. I even feel like sometimes I'm unintentionally being an asshole because of how shy I am. I look at my friends and see them all having wonderful times and hanging out with others on social media, and I ponder what I am doing to make my life worth living. The thing was I had too much homework too care about posting on social media, going out with friends somewhere after school, or even just texting someone if they wanted to do something over the weekend. Instead I stayed at home and did homework from when I got home from school to late at night since I decided to fill my schedule with the maximum possible number of classes and fit in as many AP classes as possible without going over the edge. I do this because I want to make something big out of my future. I don't want to regret not challenging myself in high school and getting into some "ok" school later on in life and then getting a boring job that I don't even enjoy in the future. What helps me push through high school is knowing my parents have gone through hell to raise thousands of dollars for me to be someone in life and go to college, and I don't want to let that opportunity pass by. Also all of my teachers are super kind and supporting which has really pushed me to do even better. I even think about the other students who are challenging themselves as much as I am that want to make something great out of their lives, and they inspire me to keep pushing forward. Whenever you fail at something, don't look at it as a failure, instead look at it as a lesson. When you begin to accept failures and understand what went wrong and how you can improve next time is how you become successful in life. I'm not saying you need to take a packed schedule and all AP classes to succeed in life, just choose what suits you best and what you think will benefit you the most and give you a challenge. School is hell, take it from me I have 4 AP classes and a fully maxed out schedule, but I did put that upon myself after all. I know school is just going to keep getting harder like in college and there is no way of getting out of it. Right now the entire schooling system is fucked requiring you to take general education classes that you probably won't even find useful ever, it's just one of those things we have to deal with.

    Not to bring religion into this and make this a debated topic, but another thing that keeps me going through tough times is my religion. I am Catholic (I know hard to believe considering the kinds of shit I say and do in ts) like the rest of my family. Losing a loved one is above all one of the hardest things to cope with, but that's why I try to make others I'm around happy, not argue with them, and cherish every moment I have with them (including pets). Because one day when they do happen to pass away I know they will be glad that I was so affectionate, and I will feel happy knowing that all the time we spent together was meaningful. Whenever I think back on losing a loved one and I get emotional I think to myself that I will see them again one day when I'm dead and gone, so nobody is truly gone forever (but that's just my belief).

    Enough about me, but for finding a purpose in life I highly suggest you find something you are truly passionate about and find someone who inspires you. Meet others who are interested in the same things as you, most of the time these people will become your closest friends. Live life without regrets, because the last thing you want is to regret not accomplishing things in your life on your death bed. Live life to the fullest, don't put off your dreams and let them wither away. Start reaching your dreams now, because putting them off for tomorrow turns into weeks, months, years, and eventually you will have run out of time. I know this is a bit cliche and all, but it's true, nothing is impossible if you just put your mind to it. I never thought that I would ever be able to edit any sort of video in sony vegas because it was too complicated, but I did it anyway because I was determined to not let the opportunity of being able to do something I always thought about a pass by. Sure it may not be the best, but I'm always improving. Pursue a career that you are passionate about, don't let anyone else tell you what to be in life YOU choose it's your life. Don't worry about how much money you make at your job if you love your job most likely you will excel in it, and the money will follow through. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, don't ever give up. Suicide never offers a way out, I myself have not once considered taking my own life, knowing how stupid it would be and how detrimental it would be to others around me (I'm not trying to make fun of those who have suicidal thoughts, or have committed suicide in the past). Taking your own life is the worst possible route you can ever take, and there is no turning back. If you ever feel sad know there are others out there who are there for you, and want to help you get through whatever you are going through. Don't dwell on the past, push on, the future is in your power. You can change the world, all it takes is hard work and dedication and you can get anywhere.

    Look at this server for example. Ben and Jack saw the opportunity to bring back a gamemode that was cherished by many, and was forever going to be lost due to supergaming's shutdown. However they didn't look at it as a loss, they took it and turned it into something of their own. In doing so they have created a community where people can once again come together to enjoy the gamemode they all know and love, whether it be old players from supergaming or new players who came along after PM's creation. This place opened doors for friendships that would have never even been possible if it weren't for their idea of bringing back MCI.

    To leave off, here are some inspirational quotes I have had written down in my binder since freshman year,

    "People who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

    "Life is a stage and you get only one performance. Make it a good one."

    "Creativity is intelligence having fun."

    "Life is short, live it. Love is rare, grab it. Anger is bad, dump it. Fear is awful, face it. Memories are sweet, cherish it."

    "It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously, that you might as well not have lived at all- In which case you fail by default."
     
  5. lordslaughter20

    lordslaughter20 Well-Known Member

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    Dude I know how you feel about school. I keep telling people that sixth form is some really pressuring shit (I'd know I did sixth form too) and tbh I wanted to just give up and sit down and read one piece till I die (cause we know it'll never end). However I started dating my current girlfriend and she's been my motivation and being with her gave me more personal goals that I strive to reach for myself. I'm not saying that this is your solution this just happened to be my outcome to the situation.
    But if you ever wanna weeb out about anime just hop into my dm's
     
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  6. Hoozier

    Hoozier Well-Known Member

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    It sounds like you are waiting for the next chapter in your life... I am making this conclusion due to you saying:
    • The girlfriend part
    • The "I hate school" statement
    In my opinion, you need to set a goal for yourself. This goal could include anything, a video game, an outside project, or even to just improve yourself. Regardless, setting a goal for yourself (for me at least) provides you with something to do and not be so down in the dumps.

    It sounds like a slight depression, but it's sure to pass. Make sure to provide us updates :)
     
  7. psandoval19

    psandoval19 Well-Known Member

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    I find motivation in people. I'm competitive, and prideful, and probably a lot of other negative things, but I try to use it in a way that works to my advantage. The status quo for living life is bullshit, and the situation I was born in forces me into working extra hard to get the shit I want. I don't care for school that much, but I recognize that it's important enough to get where I want to be. I don't like the concept of money, but I understand I need it to get things, so I push myself everyday to work hard enough to get a high-paying career, so I can in turn do what I want in life. I want to travel, see the world, really establish myself. Not to get too political, but as a Hispanic girl, that's fucking fourth generation in the United States, I want to kick the world's ass. My parents were first generation to go to college and graduate, yet they're still stuck in middle class. The rest of my family is lower than that, and I want my family to live like fucking kings.

    I want to be an example that anyone can really do anything. One of my biggest goals in life is to buy a plot of land, somewhere isolated, yet open, and build a house from scratch. I don't want to live in a pre-made structure, or be surrounded by rich folk that either were spoon-fed with money or came up with some dumbass invention that is mass produced. I want to live in a little recluse area, with my significant other, and have everything to my liking.

    I'm typically a social person, I love going out and having a lot of people to talk to at any given time, but anyone that can get me to settle into a routine is someone I'll always want by my side. And anyone that will break their routine for me will always be my partner in life. I love to spoil people, so I want to live a life where I can give them all the finer things, and decorate them with nothing short of everything.

    There are a lot of things that I find interesting, and it was really hard for me to decide what to do with my life, but I figured I'd get to it all eventually. For now, I'll work hard while I'm motivated to work in the medical field (which is something that really interests and challenges me at the same time) so that I can start "building my empire." In the meantime, I'll continue to have hobbies such as drawing as well as find time to be a part-time member at a pottery shop, the same way a gym works. Art is such a huge part of my life, but it's something I want complete control of.

    I don't ever want to have to depend on anybody to get what I want in life, so I'll keep art as a hobby, while maintaining a reliable, stable career full-time. One day, I'll drop the doctor thing and become an art teacher or something.

    But I totally understand where you're coming from. This definitive structure of life where you work as a student full-time, taking classes that turn interesting subjects into dull ones, that determine your life based on numbers is complete bullshit. Unfortunately you have to conform for now, but just know that life will get better, and you can do whatever the fuck you want. I understand that can be cliche, and hard to see right now.

    I know that one day I want a family, someone I can call my best friend and my lover, and since I know I won't become Supreme Overlord of this reality, I'll leave the task to my future children, my little mini-me's. That future family I plan to have is the reason why I work hard. I know that one day I'll want to financially support my lover so he can do whatever he wants with his life, rather than have a shitty job that he dreads going to everyday. I know that one day I'll want to give my children the best life they could possibly have. I'll continue to work hard for them, even if I don't know them yet.

    If you can't find a reason to be motivated for yourself, find a reason to be motivated for someone else.
     
  8. Wombo

    Wombo Well-Known Member Builder

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    Man sounds like you're in a tough situation.
    As for your OCD, you can't do anything about it and if you keep hating it, you won't progress. I suggest simply accepting it, as it would be the wisest thing to do.

    You also say you lack social skills. It's a skill and skills need to be developed, so you should practice talking to people, wether that is online or irl.

    I wish you the best of luck with school and life!
     
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  9. mocharaven

    mocharaven Well-Known Member Builder

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    @Skyzip Hi, I do know what you mean with the OCD. I don't have as bad as you do but I do have a case of it. Just playing in the maps on here, most times, drives me nuts with all the misplaced blocks or flowers. Don't get me started on the trap doors being flipped up on things. A couple of maps I just go around flipping them back. One time @CommanderBox had to fix a farm field because it was really bothering me. I know this is weird but it also is like that for me irl. All light switches have to be in the same direction or I swear my whole day is off. If I go to the store I am fixing the shelves, lol or someones house. It can be draining and takes up my focus but as I have gotten older the hardest part is letting things be the way they are and walking away from the 'mess'. @Wombo is right though, once I accepted what drives me nuts (ocd) things became a lot easier.

    Given I am very popular I do have a lot of friends but no 'real' friends other then my cousin and irl bestie, all the others I really don't trust. I can be blunt sometimes and I just don't stand for crap. I am not worried about friends so much or even a boyfriend because I know it will happen when I am ready for one. I won't just go out with someone to say I have a bf just to fit in.

    As for your parents - love them with all you have and spend the time with them.. (language coming) Fuck everyone else that points fingers at you for being with your parents. You have older parents and seriously I wouldn't want to lose one day with being with them. Once there gone, no bringing them back. I lost my mom a couple of years ago and it hurts so bad. I would give anything to have her back. Don't waste anytime on how it 'looks' to others. You stay with your parents if you want to, there is nothing wrong with it. When you're ready things will fall into place.
     
  10. Skyzip

    Skyzip Well-Known Member

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    @mocharaven
    I'm so happy that someone can relate to me in terms of my OCD. It relieves me knowing that I'm not the only one that has to live life experiencing such unsatisfying obsessions and compulsions. I'll take your advice, I'll accept that it's a part of who I am and hopefully that will make things easier. Thank You.

    @Wombo
    I'll try and socialise a lot more from now on. If I ever feel as if I'll be a burden to people, then I'll keep telling myself that it's just an irrational thought and I should be throwing myself out there a lot more.

    @psandoval19
    It's so inspiring to know that there's someone out there like you. Despite the inevitable challenges, it's amazing how you can push yourself to achieve every single one of your dreams and to break through the generic and dull structure that life usually lays out for you.

    @Hoozier
    You're completely right. I am looking for the next chapter in my life. It feels so repetitive right now. I guess if I want to combat that, then I really need to be setting myself some goals like you said.

    @lordslaughter20
    One Piece has always inspired me. If anyone was to tell me that they've given up on their dreams, I'd tell them to go back out there and try until they finally achieve it. My dreams, however? I guess I've always wanted to have what you have with your girlfriend. Someone who will always motivate me, like you said. I should never give up on trying to achieve that. People's Dreams Never End. (get it haha)

    @CREEPER__1
    Your example of Project Mayhem really spoke to me. I've never stopped to realise just how many friends I've made because of Ben and Jack. In fact, I wouldn't have had anywhere to go to about this situation if it wasn't for them. I'll take your advice about not delaying any of my dreams and doing what I want to do. At the end of all of this, it's my happiness that should take the priority.

    @Paulgigadrain
    The two questions you raised at the beginning really got me thinking. After giving them a lot of thought, it turns out that I actually have a lot of answers towards those two specific questions. I never realised how alive or happy I felt doing so many different things. Thanks for making me recognise all that I should be grateful for.




    I just wanna express how truly grateful I am for being a part of this community. Although I don't play on the server anymore, (Hell, I'm not even on the forums that frequently,) but even then none of you hesitated to share with me your personal stories and experiences. Honestly thank you all for motivating me so much. It's really inspired me to try and push forward against the reasons as to why I thought existence was worthless. Once again, thank you.




    @ItzCqnadian
    Deeper than layer 16 in Minecraft. Ironically, that's where all the good shit is.


     
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  11. ellilliv

    ellilliv Well-Known Member

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    I honestly know very much how you feel, and I do have OCD too. I suggest getting treatment for it if you don't already do, because you have to learn where it comes from, why you feel that way and how you can treat it. I'm currently struggling a lot with it and I'm waiting for my treatment to begin (long queue), but I'm sure it will help a lot, and you should as well. Don't let it go untreated as it can get worse and worse. :/ Mental illness should be treated just like physical illness if it disturbs your daily functioning. Hit me up about this if you want, I've struggled since I was a kid. I'm sure it might help to talk about it for both of us to someone who knows what its like.

    I don't know how to help you with the school situation and friends situation, but for the purpose one, maybe I can help a bit. I will speak out of personal experience with this, and in no way does it have to be your solution, but maybe you will find something from it - spirituality or faith.
    I am not religious and I know that spirituality is really about religion, but you can really just make it out what you want if it will help you. I've become spiritual after years of no belief because I read about, well, HISTORY. Earth history and the universe to be precise. It helped me understand that everything around us does in fact depend on each other. And I mean down to every little detail. Which also made me want to go vegan because I respect it so much. It truly makes me feel like I belong here and makes me feel like I don't want to harm any being or thing. It almost feels MAGICAL in way that everything around us is so complicated and everything has a story, even the tiny rocks on the ground. So to me it becomes spiritual because it's almost too good to be true, and I recommend you take a look at it. It will really make you feel like you do have a place in this world and that you are important. If you understand where we come from and why things are like they are, things will feel so exciting.

    But I also understand that not everyone is interested in that stuff. Personally I wasn't really either myself. I just stumpled upon some stuff about it and couldn't stop reading and watching more. But I'd be glad to talk more about this if you want, because I do think it can help you with that problem.
    Sorry that it became so long. But I hope it helps a bit :)
     
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  12. Masteraj12

    Masteraj12 (☞゚ヮ゚)☞Sr. Moderatorororor☜(゚ヮ゚☜) Sr. Mod

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    I relate to a lot of things you've mentioned. To get it out of the way, I do not relate to the issues you have with school and OCD. I've generally had classes I want to take and most of the time I perform well in them with the studying I put into it. The stuff you have to deal with in relation to that is just stupid and unfair. That being said, I do think that once you get past this hurdle in your life, you'll have a lot more options. Uni and past high school is really when you find your trueself. For myself, I honestly have no clue what I want to do in the future. I have the grades to pretty much do most things I want and if I cleaned up my act a bit I could probably make it into some higher end colleges. The issues is is that I want to be a teacher but I honestly have no clue if it'll pan out. I could become a doctor or a physicist but I honestly don't care enough to do it. I'm just at this point where I'm trudging through high school and I want it to end. I wish I could just hurry onto to College because I know when I'm there I will actually develop my passions and want to do things. I've been talking about myself up until now, but I want to share with you what my plan is because I do think that we are similar in our outlook on life right now. I struggle to find meaning in what I do on a day to day basis. I spend my time studying things that don't mean anything to me and stressing myself over things that won't even matter a few years from now. But I am confident that when I get to college, I am going to find a passion in my life. I and confident I'll find something I care for, whether it be teaching or not. I truly do think the two worst parts of life are middle and high school. Everyone is judgmental and you need to meet so many social obligations. You have to grow up in a time where you don't want to. But after that, once you get into Uni, once you finally find that passion, it can get a lot better. It sucks right now, a lot of us know that feeling, but looking ahead to what it can be is better than thinking about it in the present. And instead of dealing with life's bullshit by yourself, always feel welcome to share that bullshit with us. You can see by all the replies to this thread that people do want to help and offer advice. We'll be here if you need a hand to help out, so please feel welcome to use it. Best of luck man, you'll get through this rough patch and do great things. Glad to see you reached out to us.
     
  13. Skyzip

    Skyzip Well-Known Member

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    @ellilliv
    My GP told me that, from the way I described it, I do suffer from OCD, but it's apparently a very minor case. He told me, since I can control what I do to an extent, that the obsessions should disappear over time.

    @Masteraj12
    I guess I do feel the same way. Right now I have no idea what I want to do and the interests in my school subjects constantly change. At one point, I wanted to pursue media to hopefully become a director. Right after that, I wanted to study Psychology and hopefully become a Therapist. Right now, I wanna study History and go wherever the Hell I can with it, but even then, I'm starting to lose interest in it.
     
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  14. maxben34

    maxben34 Owner Owner Developer

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    When I was your age I felt the same way that you did about the same things. I had trouble keeping friends so I didn't really have very many at the time. I absolutely hated school because it was completely uninteresting to me and felt like a waste of time.

    Life is weird. See, we know our lives are meaningless, in that nothing really "matters" because "mattering" is just a construct. Even so, because we've created a construct of "mattering" we tend to care about finding some sort of meaning in our lives. When I was in high school I played a lot of video games and got good grades but felt like I was just wasting a lot of my time. It wasn't until my junior year that I realized that I taught myself how to code and realized that I could do the things I enjoy and find meaning in my life. When I started Project Mayhem my senior year I was just trying to do something meaningful with my life. It gave me something to care about, it gave my life meaning, and it gave other people's lives meaning, as it was and still is an environment that fosters long lasting friendships within a strong and resilient community.

    Now that I'm in college, I've learned what I need to do to make my life meaningful. I've learned to keep friends and learned how to make myself happy. Sure, I still have my issues and my life isn't worry free, but I've learned to get a lot better at figuring it all out. You will too.
     
  15. MineButcher

    MineButcher Well-Known Member

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    omg there is so much writing, i feel like im doing a school assignment
     
  16. Kevin

    Kevin Well-Known Member

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    The first part I can't really give anything, but holy fuck I can see my self at the social part mostly.

    I fucking hate my social life, but the only one I can blame is myself. After I started Norwegian High School (Different from murica and uk) I wanted a change, I wanted friends and I did everything for it. People always told me I was funny, and I was a good lad but I was never invited to anything. I was never someone for anyone, I was a person people would talk to if I started it. I've always had to invite myself and I always had to start the convo or no one would contact me. I really don't get it but it's taking over me, I've started changing back to my old habits and that's fucking bad but I have stopped caring. I have no one, and it hurts so bad but I don't show it most. I have acted differently throughout the years but I never found myself or what others like, so I give up. Getting good friends is hard, I have never had anyone so I don't really know how or how it feels, I just know not having anyone hurts.


    School part, I don't really have anything there since I'm a failure and I have disappointed everyone in that part. Don't give up, don't give up at school no matter how hard it is.

    Fuck man, I only got on because of this. I have been in my bed the last few days alone thinking and just giving up but you showed me I ain't alone that have troubles like this. Good luck Sky, don't give up.

    you made me feel like a little bitch :( dont cry and keep going
     
  17. Who am I

    Who am I Member

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    Have you met my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ?
     

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