Discussion in 'Offtopic' started by mmo, Sep 20, 2018.
Dont be so harsh on yourself bc of that, probably all of us have had that feeling
I get that, but I just hope that it will pass because I get so jealous when my friends get into relationships.
The earth is actually flat
That type of reaction is common but it's not unwarranted as I hate people that go bragging and shoving their relationship in everyone's face.
i don't really like to tell people about my personal turmoil, but the way this community responds to it makes me feel like i won't really be judged for it, or treated any differently. i mean i've always wanted to come clean to complete strangers but just felt like it was so egotistical to whine about your personal bullshit, but hey. why not? i fear this post will be long and filled with "first world problems" so steer clear if you're annoyed with either of those things
Spoiler: so yeah
i'm not really happy with who i am or what i was given. i've never really cared about school, i only cared about being better than other people. in kindergarten, one of my friends got a lot of praise for drawing her stick figure girl with a triangle dress. everyone called her a good artist, and that made me mad. i started drawing like her and i got praise. i was so determined to be better at everyone in art, so thats why i have an obsessive hobby in drawing nowadays. it started off as a competition
same went with grades. people scored highly, bragged about it, and i thought, "psh, you think you're special? i can do that too" and i did. i scored really well on everything i did. i tattled on people that would try to cheat off me, i was so self-absorbed when i was 6 years old. i wanted to be better than everyone else. i distinctly remember me thinking to myself when greeting my 1st grade friends "oh look it! my two idiot friends, theyre so nice"
the reason why im booksmart and artistic were because i wanted to prove i was just as good as number 1. i could do anything if i wanted to, i'll show you. this competitive nature of mine has become one of my defining features. even now, i use it sarcastically but lowkey i mean it, and my family feeds my ego rather than tell me to be humble. just recently some know-it-all didnt get my joke so i was telling my parents "everyone at this university is stupid. theyre all dumb and im better than all of them" and my parents replied "its ok honey, we need dumb bunnies in this world to show that we're smart"
this ego of mine is what drives me to become a doctor, or pharmacist, or nurse, whatever. i want to be able to support myself financially enough to the point where i can buy all the luxuries i was spoiled with during my youth without anyone else's help. without needing to move out of california, without needing a second source of income from a roomate or spouse. i want to be able to get everything i want by myself. i took 3 years of animation in high school, with an initial career goal of becoming a 2D animator. i toured some art colleges. i was surrounded by utter morons, people that couldnt speak coherent thoughts or the reason why we get hives when exposed to allergens. these people would be my classmates? my colleagues? oh no. i didnt want that, so i threw the idea of ever becoming an artist or an animator away. an art degree is literally worthless and i'll never afford the things i want with that. besides, the chance my shitty ideas become the department's next big project are so slim, i would end up drawing other people's characters for other people's stories. fuck that. i want complete control.
the other day i saw a goat give birth. i cried. i couldnt stand the sight of it, it was making me sick. i realized then i could never be a nurse or doctor, and i cried more. i threw away the opportunity to become a professional artist for nothing. i dont know what i want to pursue in life anymore. i fear that any career i pick up i will get severely bored of. im afraid ill wake up to go to a job that i have no passion for
i figured i could find happiness with other things in my life, right? with the people im surrounded by? sure. i've had terrible luck with people. growing up, i knew a lot of people and they all seemed tolerant of me, which was good, but all my close friends eventually left me. and when they did, they became one of the popular kids. and then they picked on me. i broke my arm once and an ex-friend gone-popular friend mocked me for not being able to turn my broken wrist anymore. i told her "yknow this cast is really heavy, im sure it'd knock u out if i hit u with it" like no shit i was such a tumblrina, i probably still sound like it but whatever
one friend of mine, who (im actually inserting this after writing it all, but i was gonna keep her anonymous but you know what? fuck it.) used to play super-gaming under the IGN of OneRedPandaQs was really special to me. she was my absolute best friend. she introduced me to skype, online minecraft, a lot of things. i loved her (in a platonic way). we were so fucking close that i firmly believe i will never meet someone who will be as comfortable with me as we were, platonically at least. we were still in junior high when starting to play on sg, and towards the end of our tweeny years, we started getting a bit more distant. i would skip lunch everyday (its actually something ive done since 5th grade) but decided to hang out in the library instead. i told my friends "hey yall ima be in the library for lunch, come hang w me when you guys finished eating"
they were all cool with it which was fine so yknow, things were good. but then she stopped showing up. eventually i went out to see them during lunch but we were getting really aggressive. we would get heated over minute things, and sometimes get physical with pushing/shoving. on our last day of school, she called me, said she wasnt going to the same high school as i was. she said she was sorry for all the aggression we had going on, said we should be the best of friends and super sweet for our last summer together because "its hard to maintain a friendship if we're going to different high schools"
we cried, we were so sad for the predetermined death of our friendship. that was the last time i spoke to her. soon thereafter she deleted any pictures she had of us on social media. it wasnt like she deleted all her friends' pics, just mine. she then deleted her old accounts, made new ones, and privated them so i couldnt see her feed. when high school started, i texted her to see how things were. she had none of our mutual friends with her, so im sure it was a different experience, but she blocked my number, deleted her skype, she refused to speak to me. our mutual friends also left me behind, and i was so fucking sad all the time. i would cry nightly because i lost everyone that i thought meant the world to me. you have no idea how much i cared for my friends, we had been friends for years, and for them to cast me aside like i was fucking garbage and turn their heads whenever they saw me, made me feel invisible was heartbreaking. apparently one of our mutual online friends mentioned me, and Orp was like "shut up, i dont want to hear her name ever again"
orp explained to our m. friend and that m. friend told me that theres a reason that she stopped talking to me, but i never found out why. 5 years later i still dont know why she left, why she hates me so much. some additional tea for you: orp kept in touch with one of our old friends from junior high all throughout high school. they came in my store together, having a blast. i found orp's insta, it was public, and a week after they came into my store, her insta was privated. seems like she's still bitter when she sees me but oh well, i'll never know ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
ive had so many experiences where i made friends, cherished them, and was so easily abandoned by them. ive always hated myself, and having these experiences with people made me believe that there is actually something wrong with me. im ugly, my voice sounds stupid, im fat, im not funny, im cringey, something, theres always something to push people away. like, theres a reason why people dont talk to me, theres a reason why people leave me, right? theres no way that theyre all flawed and im perfectly fine. its something to do with me, its gotta be. that thing from 5th grade? i was teased since preschool for being overweight. so everyday since 5th grade i wore a jacket and pants to hide my skin, and i skipped breakfast and lunch to be thin. i always ate mildly healthy, too. like a salami sandwich with grapes and a water bottle. meanwhile all the gringos had pb&js with juice and chips. i hardly had fast food or junk food in the house, played outside, yet i was still a chubbybaby. i guess i have a slow metabolism.
i was manifested in the idea of hiding my skin and starving myself sometimes i wouldnt eat dinner, i'd sleep instead. other times i was so fucking hungry i would gorge on nothing but junk. i guess thats why im still overweight now. i stopped that eating habit about a year ago. same with the clothing. but i absolutely hate looking in the mirror when im in pjs and no makeup. i hate what i see. i think i look so tired and disgusting, old. worn out. i havent been "diagnosed" with depression or anything, but i have reason to believe ive been depressed since freshman year of high school.
lack of friends, lack of self esteem, seems like enough to tip me over. eventually i met a guy, cool dude, i really enjoyed talking to him. we were friends for awhile until one day he confessed to me, and i had been crushing on this guy for awhile. we dated, things were cool, but we were always on and off. we would be on and things would be wonderful but then he'd break off cause he hated the lack of physical contact bc we were long distance. when we were off, he'd have his fun. he figured we were such good pals he could tell me this and he would tell me how many girls he made out with when we were off. then summer came along when we could see each other and we'd be on. then when he went back home he's like "bye."
i guess i was too naive to realize all the red flags but i still wanted him. i was planning on going to a university in his state to be with him for 4 years, then we'd figure our life out. he was one year my senior and i noticed a former flame of his reappear in his snapchat. before i could call him out, he told me he had a girlfriend. the week before, he was in california with me, and i could desperately feel him start to distance himself for me, so i let him do some things that i feel disgusting for now.. i figured if i wanted him to wait just one more school year, i'd have to give him what he wants, right? so i did, in a desperate, final attempt to keep him with me. but it wasnt until the week he got home he already had a girlfriend for a month.
i wasted 3.5 years of my life with this loser. i gave him more than i was willing, and i felt so fucking used and disgusting afterwards. i was seething with rage, i was so fucking angry. he still wanted to be friends because "hes never had a better friend than me" and i did enjoy hanging with him, so i decided to give it time, but no matter how much time had passed, i was still angry. i took it out on him. i made that fucker cry. months later, actually not too long ago, he tried contacting me because he "didnt like the compromise we reached because it only benefitted me"
i talked to him one final time, like we were friends, and i blocked him after that. i did the same thing oneredpandaqs did to me. made amends for what was said, enjoyed our final talk, and just fucking left. i want nothing to do with him. he's such a fucking loser and i hate his loser girlfriend too. shes a bit of a slut, but i guess it works out because theyre both whores.
senior year, i "failed" my first class. i got straight A's in high school, but one class earned me my first C ever. i was morbidly depressed. with the bitter end of my first relationship, disappointment in my current selection of friends, destroyed dream of becoming an animator, life just really fucking sucked. i would constantly cry myself to sleep, desperately wanted to cut myself, wanted to commit suicide, etc. i would drive to work and just be so tempted to drive off the bridge. i spent less and less time on work, more time in front of a screen alone. looking at it now, all my notes from senior year are COVERED in suicidal art. i would draw people hanging themselves, slit throats, tons of gore, and repeatedly write "I want to die, You're so fucking disgusting, You're worthless"
its actually really scary to flip through my chemistry notebook and see that scribbled in black pen. i almost dont believe it to be true. ive started doing more things that make me happy though. i mentioned earlier somewhere that my bitchy side is starting to resurface, and it helped sort out all the fake friends from all the ones that are worth keeping. i successfully got a boyfriend (my cute coworker) by mahself. i actually asked out a guy earlier during senior year, got shut down, then started making moves on coworker, and heck yea, i did it.
i recently did that weight loss program at work and won, yay! im submitting art to competitions that actually earn money, woo! ive considered pursuing a career in toxicology or forensic science so i can still be a bio major but do something that doesnt involve getting hands-on experience of delivering a baby. life for me is pretty good right now
but im still not happy
and i dont know why
for some reason, im still sad. im still disappointed in my life. i feel like im not doing what i truly want to do. i feel disconnected with God, i feel that my family doesnt even know me, i feel like im letting my boyfriend down. i feel like im disappointing to everyone i know. i dont practice my religion at all, anymore. i think my family thinks im a loser for still living at home, for being messy, for having a boyfriend thats still nervous around my family. i think my boyfriend is sad he's not getting a lot of physical affection but im just not in the mood for it. i hate PDA's, and i feel so classless when in a car, or in my fucking parents' house (im not saying we're doing anything disrespectful) but like, simply cuddling just feels empty bc its somewhere that im proud of. i just feel like i perpetually let everyone down
i wish i didnt care so much about what people thought. the person who i am today is composed of nothing but what people have explicitly told me they liked. its what other people want me to be. my career goals, my ambitions, my character, my physical appearance, its all someone else's preferences that ive forced myself to immerse in. even now, at the peak of my brief existence, i want a new life. i want a reset button
i want to try again
a delete button
i fear im going to die before im 30. whether its an accident or by my own hand, im afraid.
i dont think i ever will, though. but not because i want to live, but because so many other people i know want me to. my parents would be devastated, and i know i could never be the cause of a grief that life-destroying. my boyfriend, who has heard my whole spiel about my life, and has gone on record to say "dont think i wont pull a romeo and juliet if you decide to succumb to your depression"
like, the only things that are keeping me here isnt because of a better tomorrow, its because i cannot live with the guilt of hurting the people i love so much like that. the other night i was thinking about what i would write in a suicide letter to my mother, and i began to cry. i would try and tell her "you did not fail as a mother, you did not fail as a mother. it was me. i failed as a daughter, its not your fault, please dont make it your fault" but like
she would NEVER see it that way. she would constantly blame herself for not taking care of me. she always feels guilty for sending me to daycare everyday of my life since i was a baby up until i was 12 because she went back to day shift soon after she picked up the night shift when she had me so she could take care of me during the day, but almost ended up dropping me when she was taking a nap while holding me, like... she would be completely destroyed by that, i can never bring that kind of hurt to my family
i feel so fucking spoiled and ungrateful for feeling this way about my life. i have such a good one, yet i want to throw it away for something else, something more exciting but God, i've attained such a stable one. why on earth would someone like me, a complete egotistical control freak, want something but a stable, happy, love-filled life? i dont know
if you made it all the way through and think "wow that was a lot more psan than i cared to know about" i dont blame you. if you want to avoid me cause u think "shes strange, what a self-centered bitch" im ok with that too
i dont really want advice, i just wanted to share my story with people that probably wont even care about it. im too much of a coward to share my story with people that actually matter in my life, so this is as good as im gonna get.
um, if anything, if youre one of the few people to read this whole thing and actually give a shit, please dont treat me differently. i really just want to come on these forums and share random funny stories as status updates to you guys. i really only want to be seen as a person that doesnt give a flying fuck what any yall think. i'd really appreciate if you guys continued to think of me like that, thanks.
Funny how I can relate to a lot of what you said. I did read it through because a lot of the time and effort that went into that deserves to not go to waste. Over the past few years I've developed this attitude where I believe I'm better than everyone else. It's not as bad now, but I still have these moments where I think "Oh yeah? You think that's an accomplishment, well I can totally do better than you". The thing with that is... I'm all talk. I'll try and achieve better yet I'll give up and use any fucking excuse to justify that.
Sometimes I genuinely feel like the world is out to get me. That the friends I have completely hate me if they make a slight insult (when it's clearly a joke). I wear the same hoodie everyday because I'm afraid that people on the streets have nothing better to do than to stare at me and judge me silently.
I was so set on studying History at University. However, when I opened my grades up this Summer and found that I got a C, I changed my mind completely. I thought I was some sort of God at studying and writing History because a lot of people came to me for my notes. I was destroyed when I found out that C was the average grade in my entire class. I've decided now that I wanna study Psychology instead, although I'm still a bit unsure if that was the right choice.
I can't accept that my life is fine. Hell, even better than what most people have. I'm so set on making myself different from everyone else that I can't see that what I have is fine.
Thanks for sharing that. As horrible as it may sound (and I apologise for that), it really is relieving to know that someone out there has experienced something similar to how I feel. I know it's not the same, but... Thanks.
I get a little lost for words when I read these stories. I feel like I can completely relate to it, because I used to suffer the same way. But I'm completely opposite. I'm genuinely always happy. I just had an epiphany one day, and I stopped caring about the thoughts of others. I didn't let a voice tell me that I'm being judged. I didn't let my subconscious tell me to be better than others. I knew that wasn't what happiness was. I found myself. I started to figure my own head out. The only person I began to care about impressing was myself. When I was in the 8th and 9th grade, I had practically no friends and always felt self-conscious. I tried to fit in all the time and always failed. But I thought beyond that. This is where my hatred for social media started. I hated how the system worked. I realized people were constantly performing for others and never truly bothered to care what they think of themselves instead, but I won't go in depth about that.
I'm not trying to hypocritically impress anyone with my successful pursuit for happiness, but at the time everyone thought I was a loser. And if that "loser" managed to flip his mindset, look past the bullshit and find what's truly important, I guess just good luck to everyone that wants to be happy, because It's probably best to accomplish it by yourself. I mean, maybe it was just me, but I truly think you need to discover yourself to be happy. Figure out the individuality of your consciousness and grasp the passions it ignites.
Edit: I'm really sorry if this can somehow make someone feel shitty. It's never my intention to look better than others, but over the years I found it's impossible to express that without seeming hypocritical.
Damn you have had quite a ride but reading through your post it seems that you are atleast on a somewhat good path. You are aware of your problems, you have a job and a boyfriend that cares about you, that is a recipe for greatness.
So what if you currently aren't feeling fullfilled, things take time, flowers doesn't instantly grow, people don't instantly realize that Sweden is the greatest country ever.
My advice to you, if you even want some advice, is to take baby-steps. Your boyfriend isn't that comfortable with your family? Slowly easy him into more social situations with your family, like fishing but with humans. Unhappy with your body? Blind yourself! No but just half an hour a day with some basic exercises(sit-ups,push-ups) is great for your body, also try to take a stroll around the neighborhood sometimes, Maybe bring your boyfriend along, nothing quite grows a relationship like taking a mundane walk around a mundane neighborhood and talking about adult stuff.
BONUS TIP: wanna talk about adult stuff but dont know how to get started? Fear not, for with these handy zingers you will be the life of the mundane walk.
"So honey did you pay your taxes today?
"I can't wait to get home and file some paperwork."
"Should my joints make that sound when I walk?"
"I am actually really worried about my joints, do you think I should see a doctor?
"Ahh what I wouldn't do to be young and healthy again" (Only usable when you see people that are having fun and are younger than you.)
So I started reading and was like oh neat a good ole psan story to make my day and I finished read it and I was like why is psan telling the story of my life (plz staph)
When I finished primary school I lost every one of my friends because I was a "genius" kid that was one of the only 3 from the school to get into the top secondary school on the island. I was alone self conscious about everything and that then affected my grades and made me think I was stupid. I gave up on everything contemplated suicide but I just couldn't bring myself to hurt my mother like that since I know it's not something that goes away as quickly as it does to take your own life (plus those that really know me know that I hate to be a bother to anyone). So I just drifted through secondary school until i sixth form came and changed my entire life. I met the most inspirational people of my life that basically fixed me up and now put me on this difficult but encouraging route. I still get suicidal thoughts and the only reason I haven't given into them is because I'm the light of someone else's life and my girlfriend said that she'd end her life the exact moment she hears that I did and I can't live with that. I'm sorry if my message seems like jumbled garbage but I'm not as good with words as I am with math and science since they are my key areas but I just want to say that I'm glad to be in this welcoming community that can let me rant here and not feel judged.
Ok here it goes.
I used to be the person who joined literally everything back in elementary and middle school. I would play all 4 seasons of sports and join as many things as time allowed for me to. I developed lasting interests in things such as Drama and Boy Scouts, both of which I still participate in to this very day, however, I am a very different person now than I was before.
Going into my freshman year of high school, I went to a week long Boy Scout camp near me and I was in charge of my troop (about 40 boys). While I was excited to lead at first, the week turned out to be a living hell. Older boys aged from about 14-17 made my week a living hell, constantly insulting me about my leadership and traits and passions of my own. I found myself crying alone many times that week, feeling insecure about everything about myself. When the week of hell ended, I returned to normal life, but as I went back to school, I felt different than I had before. I felt a lot more self conscious about myself and I lacked the self confidence that I once had. I felt as if every light hearted joke that someone made about me was a insult directed towards me. I have improved since my broken state in freshman year, but still, in my senior year of high school, I still have wounds that were opened up freshman year that are not yet healed.
I am not your typical teenaged boy. I do things such as drama and Boy scouts that many other kids my age don't. In my time in Boy Scouts, I received the rank of Eagle Scout, Boy Scouts highest achievement. While most older adults or matured youth see this as a huge achievement that requires massive amounts of work and dedication, I get teased for it. Over and over again. It has gotten to the point that I do not bring it up anymore. One of my biggest life achievements, slowly fading into non existence because of the nonstop teasing that I get for it. This isn't limited to the rank of Eagle Scout however. I feel like I am trapped in a box of self doubt because of the teasing that I receive for hobbies and passions that are outside of the typical teenage boy's expectations.
I don't know exactly how to stop this looming feeling of self doubt. I have tried in the past to do this, and while it helped me to become more social and open to other people, it didn't help me with my lack of self confidence. I just want to be happy and confident in who I am, and I feel as if the last 3 years that I have been fighting to restore my confidence have had nothing to show.
Sorry for being super emo, I really needed somewhere to put this and I didn't really feel like putting it on my social media.
wait you were actually teased for being an eagle scout? bro I was in the boy scouts and didn't get to achieve that. people are stupid
I'm a very sentimental person and sometimes it's excessive. I've been with my girlfriend for a month and already plan to follow her to college.
My life is by no means a shitty one, not in the slightest. I'm honestly grateful for what I have but at some points I hate everything about myself as a person. Just going to get anything I don't normally say out there.
I like to be a people person and I end up being excessively sociable to everyone I meet and try to be chill with everyone. Thats not how I really am, I'm actually extremely sensitive to what others say and just facade not giving a damn, so it ends up being really taxing to act like that all the time. What ends up happening is that since I know so many people and they enjoy confiding in me, everyone ends up talking shit about each other and they all talk about it to me. For instance, my two friends started dating around last April and broke up recently, and it has been the absolute fucking worse trying to cope with the two of them, especially since they are two of my better friends. The guy is extremely awkward when the girl is around and the girl shit talks the hell out of the guy to me, but she still says she wants to be "friends". This toxic nature is not helped by how competitive my school is and how people will do whatever it takes to get ahead of others. What this entails is people end up getting more stressed and say more shit about everyone else around them, or say things that piss others off. Another example was during my art class, girl 1 at my table was telling girl 2 that what she was doing was not going to work the way she wanted it to, and both of them progressively got more and more passive aggressive. I almost stepped in and told girl 1 to stop nagging them and girl 2 to stop being so ignorant of criticism, but I know if I did that I'd become the one in the wrong and shit would go down, so I just have to hold it all in with literally no one to talk to.
A lot of times I have said that my new high school has bettered my life to my friends to make them feel better, but in reality, I feel even shittier than I did before. There are 14 year olds taking the classes I am taking at my school and it isn't based on what they know. Those kids spend all day and night studying and have no social life. But no one gives a damn about a social life, they care about grades and extracurriculars, and here I am 4 years laters with less than I could have had all because I decided to take it easier. And now that I've taken it easier, shit begins to stress me out even easier because there are people already at my level and doing what I do as god damn Freshmen. It just gets to a point where I ask myself "what else do I have to fucking do" and it just tears me apart. Like I legitimately feel like I've lived a healthy high school life, but all because people at my school have several pages of extracurriculars and all these awards and all of this other bullshit in every possible area you can imagine, I'm just outclassed. Like one of my friends (not on the level of those insane freshmen) had a 4 page Resume at first. And apparently that was good. So what am I? Like do I even compete with the people around me, these fucking geniuses and hard workers? And the best part is that most of those 4 years were dedicated to PM, but no one would believe me if I told them I actively engaged in productive work on a fucking Minecraft server, and I don't blame them for it. It just sort of bites at me that I ended up having to move, but I've at least learned to cope a lot more than I could before.
Another thing I hate about myself is how I'm not amazing at one thing. I know this is a very egotistical thing to say, but I absolutely hate the fact that I'm not one of the best at something. There is nothing I do that I am the only one to be able to do something. I touched on it before above but seeing all these kids 4 years younger than me being so much better than me just aggravates me. But at least I can say I'm PM's #1 Herobrine for Mega Walls!
I'll probably vent more later but I just needed to clear my mind and destress for a little.
well i have a lot to say but im not gonna mention it all, but in aus if you crash a car it can be potentially written off by the insurance company therefore making the car unregisterable again. yesterday i managed to write off 2 of our work utes from the farm, and further blowing up the engine in the next. the first ute i rolled off a damn wall as i was not paying all attention (chasing pigs). the second ute me and my best mate were heading to town in and a wild horse ran through the bush and bang managed to total another cruiser ute. the last car being a commy ute thats been in the family for ages i managed to blow a con-rod through the side of the block and cook the rest of the internals because of lack of oil through the rotating assembly. Then after all of this my girlfriend picked me up and came back home with me, where i further sat the next hour or so on the phone with my dad, where i pretty much got tore to shreds the whole time. after the phone call my girlfriend was trying to get it off my mind and i swear thats the most effort shes actually ever put into the bedroom like boys she made me starfish the whole fucking time the freaky bitch. Yeah anyways i fucked for next whiles anyways
I’m like genuinely scared procrastination will ruin my life. I procrastinate on homework that’s due the next day, doing chores, texting people back, checking Snapchat.. I’m literally procrastinating on a 10 page paper due for soci and a psych project both due on Monday and I’m just stressing while I’m laying in my bed looking at my phone not doing anything about it. I know it’s a normal thing especially for younger people to procrastinate, but I hate it. I wish I could do something about it, but I feel like I can’t. And I vowed to myself that I would turn in all my assignments in and study for most of my tests for my first year of college, and I’ve done that, but it’s all been at the last minute where I didn’t really perform those tasks to my full power. I finally get a whole new start from high school where my grades were trash due to me slacking off every year except for my junior year, and I don’t want to blow it like I did freshman year of high school. I just wanna stay consistent, but idk what to do to change my habits. Oh and I just wanna add in here that my Minecraft account got hacked or something so I’m officially done with Minecraft, so that’s been helping me stay more focused, but Xbox still exists so that’s good :/. Thanks for reading.
Relatable as fuck. Wait no, you're number 1 at being the guy I go to for fanboying over Fire Emblem.
But seriously, recently I've been wanting to just grind out League games because (and I won't admit it) I don't want my friend to end up higher than me at the end of the season. I probably could do it, but it's a massive strain on my mental health because of how easily I can get pissed during League.
Yeah I’m a potato it’s weird usually I have something to hate on but recently everything has been going my way funky. Only thing that isn’t going my way is that we have this one friend who plays league with me and my others he plays jungle and well he goes like 2/14/4 every game. I think he chose it so he doesn’t have to fight in lane but I believe jungle is like the most important role but his Hanks end up feeding them bcuz he doesn’t tell us does it when landers aren’t around and is usually severely under itemed due to him always giving first blood and getting counter jungled. (One game support did 4 times more damage then him he got 4k in a 40min game)
4k in 40 mins LOL. I mostly play by myself except when I occasionally play with my Yasuo one trick friend from school who has 500k mastery points. I can relate to this a bit when my brother plays with me, he uses locked camera and can't CS for the life of him even though he's been playing since season 3. And he only plays Ashe.
I’m gonna go ahead and reserve this for later after school. Mainly wanna talk about XC and running in general.
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